Coming to terms with infertility
If you have been told that you cannot have birth children, adoption may seem a natural thing to consider. Coming to terms with infertility does, however, take time, and it is important to give yourself some time to come to terms with your disappointment before moving on to think about other options to achieve having a family. Taking someone else's child into your home will not exactly meet your desire to have your own, and you need to consider carefully if this is the right option for you.
What is adoption?
Adoption is a way of providing a new family for children who cannot be brought up by their own parents or family members.
Adoption is a permanent and lifelong commitment which is brought about through a legal process. This process transfers the responsibilities and duties of a child's birth parents to the adoptive parents by the making of an Adoption Order in an appropriate court. The following is intended to provide some basic information about the children needing adoptive families, information about who can adopt and information about how to become an adoptive parent.
Who can adopt?
Anyone who is aged 21 or over and happy to adapt their lifestyle and home to meet the needs of a child can adopt. There is no upper age limit; however, agencies are looking for adopters who have the physical and mental energy to care for demanding children and whose lifestyle suggests that this will still be the case when the child is a teenager or young adult.
Listed below are some requirements for prospective adopting parents.
- Legally resident in the UK, the Channel Islands or the Isle of Man for at least 12 months.
- Single, married, in a civil partnership or in a stable partnership regardless of gender, sexuality, race, religion or cultural background.
- Home-owner or renting and living in suitable accommodation.
- Waged or unwaged.
- Smoker or non-smoker; but if you do smoke, the agency will need to assess if living in a household where someone smokes may have an adverse impact on a child's health.
National medical advice states that children under 5 years and those with particular medical conditions should not be placed in smoking households.
Having health issues may not exclude you from adopting. Everyone will have a Medical Examination, and the agency may seek further medical advice before deciding if you would be able to adopt. Disabled people are not excluded, and sometimes experience of disability may be welcomed by agencies.
People from all ethnic origins and religions can adopt, although some religions and cultures may have their own perspectives on this.
A record of offences will be carefully looked into but will not necessarily rule someone out unless these offences are against children. Anyone with a criminal conviction or caution for offences against children or for serious sexual offences will not be able to adopt.
The adoption process
Successive Governments have introduced measures to speed up the adoption process however, the process can still be quite lengthy. The adoption agency will carry out checks on applicants as well as undertake a thorough assessment in order to ensure, as far as possible, that the adopters they approve are safe carers who are able to cope with the challenging task of caring for an adopted child.
It is also a life changing decision for you, and the different stages of the assessment process will give you an opportunity to consider if adoption is right for you.
Step 1 - Application form
The agency will ask you to complete an application form which will give them permission to carry out a number of checks on you and take up references.
Step 2 - Preparation groups
All prospective adopters will be invited to attend preparation groups which usually consist of approximately 4 full days. This will provide you with opportunities to meet other prospective adopters in the group and learn about the issues for adopted children and how adoption may change your life. Agencies invite people with direct experience of adoption to talk to the groups; people such as foster carers, adopters or even birth parents.
Step 3 - Home assessment
Once you have completed the preparation groups, you will be allocated a social worker who will undertake your home assessment. The worker will visit you (usually in your own home) on approximately 6-8 occasions, and the assessment will focus on every aspect of your life to date and ask you to think about how your life will change if you adopt.
This can feel intrusive but is a necessary part of the process so it is important that you try to build a trusting relationship with your assessing social worker. At the end of this process, the worker will write up the assessment report and will give you a copy of the completed document. You will be surprised how much you can learn about yourself!
Step 4 - Adoption panel
Your assessment report will be presented to the Adoption Panel, and you will be given the opportunity to meet the panel, who will recommend that you be approved or not. The Agency Decision Maker will then ratify that decision within a few days of the Adoption Panel meeting.
Step 5 - Family finding
Once approved as prospective adopters, your social worker will now start to actively seek out a child (or children if you are approved for more than one) to place with you. It is very important to find the right family for a child, and social workers will discuss with you specific children in detail in order to ascertain if you are able to meet all the needs of that child.
Sometimes a number of different children may be considered before you and the social worker feel that you are a 'good match'.
You will need to become familiar with working with professionals, as you will have a lot of contact with social workers during this process and later.
Step 6 - Matching process
Once the right child has been found for you and there is agreement between the child's agency and your adoption agency on this, the 'match' is presented to the child's agency's Adoption Panel for approval. Again, the panel will make a recommendation, and this will be ratified by the Agency Decision Maker.
Step 7 - Introductions
The next stage is that you and the child will need to get to know each other before the child can move to live with you. This process is called the 'introductions'.
You will be asked to prepare some information about yourself to be given to the child prior to meeting them. Your first meeting will usually be at the home of the foster carer who is looking after the child, and you will spend increasing amounts of time with the child over a number of days or weeks until you feel that you know the child well enough and the child feels comfortable with you.
This process has to move at the child's pace in order to ensure a good transition from foster carer to adopters, and you will be required to work closely with foster carers during this period. At the end of the introductions, the child will move to live with you.
Step 8 - Adoption order
To make an adoption legal, you need to apply for an adoption court order. This gives you parental rights and responsibilities for the child. There are certain minimum periods for which the child must live with the adopters before an adoption order can be made or, in England and Wales, before an application can be made to the court. The precise details vary slightly depending on the country concerned and the circumstances in which the child came to live with the adopters.
Once the order's been granted by the court, the adoption becomes permanent, and you get an adoption certificate - this will show the child's new name and replaces the original birth certificate. The child has the same rights as if they were your own birth child - e.g. the right of inheritance.
The order also takes away parental responsibility from the child's birth parent(s) or anyone else who has parental responsibility for the child.
Frequently asked questions
We have compiled commonly asked questions people have on adoption to help you understand the process and what it means for you.
How do I know which adoption agency to apply to?
There are numerous adoption agencies, and it can be confusing, but basically they fall into two categories:
- Local Authorities
- Voluntary Agencies
All of these recruit adopters, but only the Local Authorities have children in their care. Voluntary Agencies place children from all over the country with adopters in their area. It is sometimes helpful to discuss the differences and how that might affect you with someone who is experienced in this type of work. For this reason, the Fertility Service and Assisted Conception Unit has an Adoption Advisor who can give you independent advice.
There are various channels you can choose when considering Adoption. We are in partnership with both Ruth Parker and Calderdale Adoption Team.
Do children have contact with birth parents or relatives after adoption?
Many children who are adopted continue to have some level of contact with a birth relative. It is common for there to be an exchange of written information via the adoption agency. There will be unique arrangements for each child based on their needs, and this may involve some ongoing direct contact with a member of their birth family, particularly brothers and sisters who may be placed elsewhere. Sometimes there may be direct contact with grandparents or even birth parents if this is felt to be in the best interests of the child.
Should the child be told that they are adopted?
Children should be brought up with awareness that they were adopted. There is an expectation that adopters will share information with their child about their family of origin, and you will be given this information in a Life Story Book which will have been prepared for your child by the Social Worker.
What if I need help and support after the adoption?
Adoption agencies have a duty to provide post-adoption support to you and your child.
How long does the process take?
The recommended length of time from your formal application to be assessed to your adoption panel meeting is approximately 6 months according to guidance for England under the Adoption Act 2002. In some cases it can take longer, but your agency should keep you informed during every stage of the process. Once you are approved, the process of matching you with a child can take from a couple of weeks to several months. Agencies use all the resources at their disposal to speed up this process however, you need to be aware that it can take time to find the right child for you, and you will need to be patient.